Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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