and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
