I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I lost the right to judge tonight
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
