i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
