It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
