SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
is it fun? or sober?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
