I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
