I could have mohawked her pubes.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize