Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
This couple is walking their pig around campus
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
