Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
