She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
