Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Less talking, more tequila
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
