i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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