I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
