part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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