that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
