just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
