so that wasnt chicken after all
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
