While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
