So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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