I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
