did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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