I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
