I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Congratulations! We have a period
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
