how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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