Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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