problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
