hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
