he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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