I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
