Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
