We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
