New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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