it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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