i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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