i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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