I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
