would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
