I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
