My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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