Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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