So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
