it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
