dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
