she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
