If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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