hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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