I've blown a few things in my day
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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