She's JV to your varsity
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
