Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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