Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
