I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
