Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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