how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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