eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
