i don't really know how much tequila is too much
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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