i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
