he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
