You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
