Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
