Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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