i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
