well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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