Fine. I'll sleep in my office
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
