Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
