Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
