We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
