I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
