Just cropdusted the office
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize