So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
