she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
