Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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