spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
