My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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