I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
