Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
