Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
