i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
