the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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