She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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