Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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