i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize