I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
