There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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