It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
