I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
organizing the empties. That sober.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
