So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
