i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
and she was petting her beer can
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
