Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
BRING THE BAGELS
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
