come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
