he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
