u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
